The All-Gridiron Team: NBA players who would dominate on the football field
Special Teams and More
Kick Returner: Victor Oladipo (6-5, 214), Magic
The 2013 No. 2 pick boasts speed, acceleration and shiftiness, and he’s never been afraid to sacrifice his body.
Punt Returner: Isaiah Thomas (5-9, 185), Kings
The prototypical jitterbug returner, you have to catch the 5-foot-9 Thomas before you can tackle him.
Kicker: Steve Nash (6-3, 195), Lakers
Punter: Steve Blake (6-3, 172), Lakers
This isn’t a particularly easy position to fill, but Blake possesses a mixed martial arts background, so we can count on him for some leg-whip velocity.
Holder: Chris Paul (6-0, 175), Clippers
CP3′s low turnover rate and general reliability are helpful, plus he could swap the State Farm ads for a “You’re in good hands” campaign with Allstate.
Long Snapper: Anthony Davis (6-10, 220), Pelicans
Davis can just about reach backwards between his legs and hand the ball to the holder or punter.
Head Coach: Gregg Popovich, Spurs
Chop off the sleeves of a Spurs sweatshirt and he’s good to go.
Offensive Coordinator: Mike D’Antoni, Lakers
“Let me get this straight: We’re not required to huddle? This changes everything.”
Defensive Coordinator: Tom Thibodeau, Bulls
Hoarse voice, tireless work ethic, total focus on shutting down the opposition, and one (or two, or five) notch too high on the intensity scale for everyone’s liking.
Extra Points: Miscellaneous
Water Boy: Jason Kidd, Nets
In charge of all liquid deliveries, including Gatorade baths. (Especially Gatorade baths.)
Blocking Fullback: Draymond Green, Warriors
The Point Forward’s offense was heavy on skill players, but Green is an ideal option for leading Westbrook through goal line defenses and in short-yardage situations.
Backup Quarterback: Mario Chalmers, Heat
He is well-prepared for any abuse that is sure to come his way. He was recently the butt of a joke from President Barack Obama, and he took the heat while smiling.
Wildcat Quarterback: Rajon Rondo, Celtics
Rondo’s comfort tossing behind-the-back, no-look passes will take the Wildcat to its wildest levels yet.
Possession Receiver: Kemba Walker, Bobcats
Playing the Wes Welker role will be Walker, whose big-game pedigree at UConn and quick, agile frame will make him a go-to target on third-and-five.
Headcase Receiver: J.R. Smith, Knicks
The designated distraction, whose tweets and tantrums outshine his on-field play. Note: It’s way easier to hide Chris Smith on a 53-man football roster than a 15-man hoops roster, plus the “practice squad” has a better ring to it than D-League.
Field Goal Blocker: DeAndre Jordan, Clippers
Whether going horizontal from the edge or vertical from the middle, Jordan could be an impact special teams player with his volleyball talent.
Tony Romo: Carmelo Anthony, Knicks